Watching someone you love can be one of the most difficult things to go through. Sometimes you have to resist the urge to help someone because they are not willing to receive it. But there is a time and a place where you must step into help. You stepping in to help may vary from being there from somebody, listening, or being the connection for more professional help. In my opinion, if someone is in trouble there is always a need for you to step in but, on the flip side, we have to know when to draw our lines and back away. Unfortunately, we as friends and family cannot fix everything but we can help. It may not always be the type of help we think we need to give but if someone is struggling with an abusive relationship it is not about us. We must use good judgement. Good judgement includes simply thinking about others, who will our actions affect, and if we have good intentions. Just remember it is always a good idea to help others but it has to be the help that will serve others best and additionally, we must make wise judgement!
In previous blogs, I've mentioned what is in a bad relationship and things that we should avoid and take caution against. But in this blog I really wanted to focus on the benefits of maintaining a healthy relationship.
Obviously, each relationship is unique to two different people. Everyone compliments (or doesn't compliment) in different ways and finding someone who you think brings out the best in you is part of dating! In my opinion, a healthy relationship is two people working together to bring out the best in each other. It is important to support each other in accomplishments and good deeds but to also motivate them to reach their full potential.
One key thing in a healthy relationship is selflessness. If we are thinking about our partner and putting others before ourselves (This doesn't always have to apply to a relationship) then I truly believe that a healthy connection can be maintained.
Isn't it silly that loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do? According to Confidence Coalition, Three-fourths of girls with low self-esteem engage in negative activities, such as disordered eating, bullying, smoking or drinking and 1 in 3 girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they’re in a relationship. In my opinion, if girls struggling with self-esteem understood their worth, or even half of how much potential they have to become the amazing woman each girl can become, then these statistics would be drastically different. How do we get girls to understand their worth? Well, each girl is unique and may require a specific approach but what I've done to help girls understand their worth is create a program called "Celebrate Yourself: Combat Bullying by Building Self-Esteem." In this program I go over step by step of each girls accomplishments, goals, talents, and positive role models and it is my belief if young woman focus on these 4 things then their self-esteem will rise and their lives with be changed forever. But, I understand that just one of these "Celebrate Yourself" presentations isn't going to immediately make a girl have self-esteem. I hope that I can provide the tools, by helping girls recognize these 4 key things, then they can make the life-changing choice of looking at themselves in a positive way. Also according to Confidence Coalition, "Only 2% of women think they are beautiful." It is my personal mission to significantly raise this number just so simply girls can look at themselves as beautiful and love themselves.
Studies have found that most domestic violence relationships have what is called "The Cycle of Abuse." As we look at step 1, tensions start to build. This would be the ideal time to get out of the relationship but it is never that easy to just "walk away." This is usually the first time the victim becomes potentially aware they are in an abusive relationship. Step 2, is unfortunately the most heart-breaking part of the cycle for me. An incident is not just always physical but it is very emotionally damaging. The examples listed above "Anger, blaming, arguing, and threats" can be life-changing and traumatic especially if they are from someone that you thought you loved. Step 3, is very common after an incident. Apologizing for an incident doesn't make the abuse right and typically the abuser never really means "sorry." For step 4, do not mistake that as "he will never do it again." While the incident is forgotten about for a period of time, it doesn't mean it won't happen again. To help break the "Cycle of Abuse" contact Safehoue of Seminole.
As a follow up on our last blog post "Where is the line?" here are few signs if you are being abused according to "The House of Ruth"
When I first started getting involved with relationship violence, I often wondered, "Where exactly is the line?" I researched further and found several answers but all were rather indirect. As I further my journey with ending relationship violence, I know understand that answer just a little bit more and here is my own:
That start of a dangerous relationship begins with simple signs such as verbal abuse (there are other warning signs like control and bullying). Whenever you feel less of yourself, question your self worth, and do not feel equal to your partner that is when a relationship is becoming dangerous. Never let your partner feel any of these ways because NO woman deserves to ever feel like this. The line should defiantly never be crossed but no one should ever come close! From stories and research I know, most men don't immediately become abusive they gradually become more controlling and abusive. Recognize these signs before the line is crossed!!
At the end of the day, numbers don't lie and these statistics are disturbing in every way. But for every time someone stands up by seeking for help and giving help, these numbers lessen. Be BRAVE! Be the CHANGE!
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
16-year-old Connecticut girl killed by jilted teen after she refused to go to junior prom with him.
A teenage boy allegedly stabbed the girl inside the halls of Jonathan Law High School in Milford on Friday, after she turned down his invitation to junior prom - which was scheduled for that night.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/connecticut-girl-killed-jilted-refused-prom-article-1.1768718#ixzz30J1LaZPo
Our thoughts are with Maren's family, friends, and community during this difficult time.
Hurtful relationships will leave damaging scars for almost forever. It will be difficult and painful to go through relationship violence of any kind. But we are brave. YOU can overcome any trial or any hurtful relationship with help. I understand for some teenagers it feels like this torture will never end. Even if you do leave him/her the memories will not. But I am here to promise you, you can conquer your hard times. I know this is possible for anyone because I've done it myself. Conquering our greatest fears and our greatest hurt will not be easy but I promise it is worth it. How I have overcome my hardest emotional pains is I have learned to love myself. I think if each person in society today learned to love themselves just a little bit more then the world would be a different place. When I allowed myself to accept that I am beautiful and strong, I walked with a new confidence knowing that, through hard work, I can overcome anything. And so can you. I promise.
From choosing a beautiful designer dress, to picking a location for pictures is defiantly a night to remember. When you go to find the perfect prom dress your family and friends may help you choose the perfect color and shape. I don't know about you but I could never go dress shopping without my friends or my mom. I would be so lost! But choosing the perfect prom dress won't be the only decision that you will make the night of prom. Being in high school, I understand that there is constant peer pressure to drink and make other choices that aren't the best during and after prom. There is a lot of hidden dangers from drinking to being pressured into a sexual relationship. What can you do to not put your self in this kind of situation? Not go to prom? No way! You can go to prom and have a night to remember without the peer pressure! Here are just a few ways I found helpful to avoid peer pressure:
1. Make the decision before hand!
- When I was around 12 years old I made the decision that I would never drink alcohol or do drugs. It was easy to make this decision because at that time I never really felt pressured to because I was still in middle school. Because I made this decision early I have never hesitated to say no to drugs and alcohol.
2. Realize that your choice to drink and do drugs hurts others
- I think the most common way to hurt others by drinking is drinking and driving. On average, a drunk driver is 11 times more likely to crash and kill somebody than a sober driver. What if your brother, sister, mom, dad, or a friend was killed because somebody decided to drink at prom. How would you feel?
3. Think long-term
- There is no way drinking alcohol or doing drugs will instantly make you popular. I'm sorry but it's just not. There is no way putting yourself at risk with the law with some how help you now or in the long run. So why would you do it?? Your answer is probably, "to have a good time." In my opinion, if you need drugs or alcohol to have a good time you probably aren't very fun. If you get caught by the authorities think about how that could affect your future dreams. Your dream job or athletic scholarship could be at stake.
Just remember at prom you CAN and WILL have an amazing time! Just remember to make good choices!!
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